


Biologically impossible

by AnotherPhanficWriter



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Dan and Phil are the same age, Established Relationship, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, sorry - Freeform, sort of based on a true story, the teacher is a dick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 11:24:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15023519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherPhanficWriter/pseuds/AnotherPhanficWriter
Summary: Story based on the time my sex ed teacher thought he was being funny when he was just being stupid and non-inclusive. And then my friends thought they were being even more funnier with their jokes (they were).





	Biologically impossible

Dan and Phil were on their way to their next class, sex ed. Which they found very ironic. Because they were practicing safe sex last night. 

"This is funny". Dan chuckled. 

"Shh, don't. The teacher is going to ask us what we're talking about and I can't lie on the spot, Dan". Phil whispered to his boyfriend, attempting to rip a condom wrapper to complete the task their sex ed teacher, Mr Hogde, set them.

"If he asks I'm not going to lie, I'll just tell him we were talking about sex". Dan whispers to Phil, which makes him splutter and his eyes go wide. "It's sex ed. Phil! He doesn't need to know that it's what we were doing last night". This does nothing to calm Phil down, who's face goes as pink as the plastic penis' they are rolling the condoms on. 

"Dan, honestly. You need to be quiet. He's going to come over", which only encouraged Dan more. 

"Phil, remember this". He whispers, and then proceeds to slowly rip a condom packet with his teeth expertly. Phil's face remains the dark pink blush for the whole action, making Dan laugh aloud, which unfortunately alerts the attention of the teacher. 

"You need to take this seriously, lads". Mr Hodge bellows. "You don't want a baby on your hands at 16, trust me". This quietens Dan enough to stop teasing and instead pass the plastic penis to Phil without completing the condom task because 'you put the condoms on, I don't need to know this'.

Phil, surprisingly to everyone but Dan, puts the condom on the model in under 30 seconds and doesn't rip it, unlike everyone else in the room. "I'm proud", Dan whispers, pretending to wipe a tear from his eye. 

Looking around the room, Mr Hodge instantly sees 3 girls with their condoms split. "Lydia, boom, pregnant. Sofie, boom, pregnant. Trish, boom, pregnant". Complete with finger guns to further humiliate the girls with the long nails. 

A boy that was sat across from Dan and Phil also split his condom, all the way from the top to the bottom which also made Mr Hodge come over and do the finger-gun pregnant thing. 

He looked at Phil's after doing this action, "Well done, Phil. You would be the only one not ruining your life with babies". Phil looked up and nodded. 

"Thanks sir". Dan snorted which made Mr Hodge look at his condom wrapper which hadn't been emptied. 

"Dan, did you not do the task I set?". Mr Hodge shouted, clearly ready for an argument. Dan looked at his desk and looked back up at the teacher. 

"Mr Hodge, you're right. I didn't put the condom on". Dan replied in a shocked sarcastic manner. Phil kept giving him a look asking him what he was doing and to stop. Dan carried on. 

"You need to know how to put one on properly so when you put one on in the future it doesn't split and you won't get your girlfriend pregnant". Mr Hodge argued. Dan knew he had a good point, but Mr Hodge was being a dick because he ignored alternative sexual activities, and Dan loved an argument.

"I wouldn't worry sir. If the condom splits, I'm good on that side". Dan said seriously, turning in his chair so he was facing Mr Hodge better. Phil got prepared to pick Dan up and run out the classroom. 

Mr Hodge decided to push for an explanation, maybe he was feeling brave, stupid or even just confused. But it made him ask, "Why".

Phil swallowed and further prepared himself to carry Dan away from an argument. "Well, sir. If you must know it's biologically impossible for me to get my girlfriend pregnant". 

This confused the sex ed teacher no end, which made him ask even more questions,"Oh, is there a condition?". 

Phil knew it was coming, Dan knew it was coming, the boy opposite them knew it was coming, even Lydia, Sofie and Trish all knew it was coming. The only one who didn't was that ignorant sex ed teacher.

"Sir I do not have a condition. My girlfriend is a boyfriend who is Phil and he tops. The only thing I've got to worry about is the mess". Dan smiles and then looks back at his condom wrapper, pulls it out and quickly unravels it down the fake penis. It splits straight away (as Dan expected), and then Dan looks up at the teacher, who is still flabbergasted at what Dan said. "Not so, boom, pregnant now sir".

And this is why it is important for schools to teach all types of sex, because teachers will get unnecessarily flustered (and obviously for the main reasons). This has been a PSA.

**Author's Note:**

> But seriously, schools need to teach all sex and not just penis in vagina sex. (can't think of another way to put it). People can't practice safe sex if they aren't taught it properly.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed, give me kudossss.


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